Let’s Be Blunt

Unoh is a freelance graphic artiste and a typical homeboy. He loves his space but he doesn’t mind a female companion from time to time and a good home cooked meal made with love. What’s this life anyway?

Tumi, on the other hand is a fashion designer who loves a good time once in a while but would rather be at home creating designs and patterns for her insatiable clients. She loves the gram, well, it is her major means of advertising her work so…

But she is single to stupor (In Falz’s voice) and derives joy from glaring at sweet boys on the gram any time she has a bit of time on her hands. Most times, she gets green with envy when she comes across loved up couples. She wants to put up fancy photos of bae, go out with him and feel ‘normal’.

Somehow, Unoh and Tumi meet on the gram, talk for some time, and decide to meet. They go on a few dates and finally have a ‘relationship’. After the initial spark and fuzzy hugs dies down, they both feel they’re not getting what they want out of the relationship. He needs his alone time, she wants constant togetherness and after a month shy of a year, they call it quits.

Now, they barely even speak. Why had they bothered with starting a relationship in the first place? Well, the answers are clear.

The idea of a relationship is heart-warming. Two people who may not exactly be into each other get into a relationship for different selfish needs. They are in love with the idea of a relationship without knowing fully all that it involves. Of course, one isn’t supposed to have all the answers. But can we have direction, please?

For instance, Tumi wanted a man she could show off to her friends and the gram while Unoh needed sex from time to time and a good meal at the snap of his fingers. Neither went into a relationship because they saw something defining about the other person. In the end, was it worth it?

Are relationships over-rated? I don’t think so but the concept of a fulfilling life being impossible without a romantic relationship is truly overrated. Let’s address something; if you believe everything you see on social media, and pretty much everyone else, you’ll probably feel like you must have a romantic relationship for a fulfilling life. A part of you will continue to feel incomplete.

Also, lovers of Hollywood and romantic comedies should know that they rarely portrays the type of love and romance that we need—real love for real people living real lives.

Here are some popular misconceptions:

People believe you need a relationship – A Man or Woman in your life to be truly happy. SHOCKER!!! Relationships add to your happiness, they do not create it.
People believe a relationship will make life more interesting. You can go on dates, visit places together, spend time together etc. Not always. Sometimes it can complicate your life. When you are in a relationship, you have to incorporate another person’s needs, priorities and desires into your life. It is work. Real work!

Many of us are on an ‘Ultimate search’ to find ‘the one’ who will fill the voids we have and whom we can finally be ourselves with. Why wait till you have a boyfriend before you can go to the cinemas, why wait until that ‘special’ relationship comes along?

We have made this thing a ‘Destination’. When you have it, you can finally do this and that and be happy. Why can’t we enjoy the moment and feel all what we think that relationship will give us now? Is the love from our friends and family not enough? Why do we put our emotions on hold, waiting for that moment of attraction towards someone where there’s a sudden rush and everything literally stands still (like in the movies)? We have confused lust with love, passion with intimacy, and infatuation with connection. In the end, most times, it’s not worth it.

We all crave love and attention but instead of giving those qualities to ourselves, we seek it externally. That rush of emotion which we think is love acts as a stimulant which fools us into thinking the intense feelings are something special; when in fact, they are feelings of attachment caused by our separation from our own Self.

We’re not born in pairs. To partner up is not a universal need, but a choice. You can be a fully-functional person living your life the best way you can without a partner by your side. Note that we love good and sincere love stories but we are just being blunt here. People should really ask the reason why they go into relationships or better still, stop overrating it. What do you think?

Piece by Kemisola Ologbonyo