Because consent is important - Sammie.
For a very long time, I have wanted to write my thoughts on consent. Let me start by telling a story. A couple of years ago, a guy who was interested in me came over to my house one afternoon. The folks were at work, I don’t remember where everyone else was, but it was pretty much just me at home. This guy then proceeded to try and force himself on me, it was in the middle of the day! In my mind, people didn’t do such in the middle of the day. After much struggling, I got away from him. I was so pissed! I later asked him what that was. Myguy said he was just playing! I was amazed. So very amazed. How can you be stripping someone and groping the persons body and turn around and say it was play? Especially when the person was struggling and fighting you off? Up till tomorrow I don’t think I’ll ever understand what was going through his mind.
Ladies and gentlemen. If a person, male or female says no, it isn’t rocket science, it means no. Don’t try and change the persons mind, don’t force the person, just don’t. That is how rape starts. Mind you, rape doesn’t have to be violent. What do I mean? That she struggled for a few minutes and stopped struggling does not mean she gave consent. That she said no, pushed you but didn’t do anything else does not mean she gave consent.Sometimes people give in not because they want it, but because they don’t know what else to do. They feel that fighting won’t be fruitful, so they just give up and let you have your way with them.
When you have any type of sex without the other persons consent, it is rape. And please, we need to stop this whole blame game thing we do when someone has been raped. No matter what the person did or did not do. As long as no consent was given, it is not the victims fault. I hear people say “but why did she wear that” or why did she come to my house if she didn’t want it? Or I am a man, what did she expect. Fam! She expected you to respect her and have some self-control.
I am all for people using wisdom when they are hanging out with members of the opposite sex e.g., don’t hang out late at night in a secluded area, etc. but even at that, I still expect people to have some level of self-control over themselves.
I remember when I was younger; I was told that men think differently from women. When a woman is thinking lets hold hands, the man is thinking lets kiss, when a woman is thinking lets kiss the man is thinking lets have sex.
I don’t know how true that is now, but the point I’m trying to make is this, that she showed up in your house doesn’t means she wants sex. And you have no right at all to force her. Her choice of clothing is not what you use to determine whether she wants sex or not. You may not know it, but the psychological damage that comes from someone forcing his/herself on another person is not something anyone should ever go through.
At the end of the day consent is so important when things get physical in any sort of relationship. Make sure you are on the same page before you take things that far. If you start kissing, you want to get “handsy”, and the person says no, please stop. Don’t take it any further. It's not worth it. Not for you or the other person. In my opinion, sex is best enjoyed when both parties actually want it. So why not make sure your partner wants it before you take it there.
Before I end this, even though I have used females as the victims in about 90% of this post, let’s be clear, consent goes both ways. It’s applicable to both men and women! So if he says no, it means no, and if she says no, it means no!
Words by Sammie
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